Select one of the following to be directed to a page dedicated entirely to that subject matter, or scroll down and view the most recent T2S subject matter.  (music - thoughts - jokes)

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March 28, 2008:

Your 2008 Pittsburgh Pirates.  Picked to finish in 6th place in the Central Division with 90+ loses by all three baseball preview sources I have read.  Without further suspense, and with time on another lengthy flight to kill, I give you my Pittsburgh Pirates season preview.

BEST CASE SCENARIO : WORST CASE SCENARIO

On a sad note, I was unable to bring a 2008 opening round tournament blog (NOTE: Stupid work), but I did have the pleasure of filling out a Freshmen Rule! bracket and a Big East Rules! bracket, both since have been torn to shreds after OJ Mayo and Eric Gordon did not exit the first round and EVERY high ranked Big East didn't make the Sweet Sixteen (Exception: #3 Louisville, #12 Villanova and #7 West Virginia). (Addt'l Note: Stupid Pitt)

March 17, 2008:

Nine MLB teams in 72 hours. 600 miles on a rental car and enough stadium hotdogs, Philly cheese steaks, cracker jacks and beers to hold me over until the Pirates open up the regular season April 7th against the Chicago Cubs.  A three day, two night Florida trip with my old man garnered a spring training blog.  (read more) (we will have a future)

NOTE:  The field of 64(65) has been set.  Get ready for T2S March Madness tourney blog Part II.  This time the viewing and recap is going to be on home turf.  (read 2007 madness recap)

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March 16, 2008:  My last trip to the Pittsburgh International Airport brought me to the following conclusion after parking what seemed like miles away from the terminal.  If you are car shopping, why waste your time going from dealership to dealership in search of your dream car?  Just park you ass in the airport parking lot and walk around, or more importantly, towards the terminal.  You have a plethora of car makes, models, years, and better yet, no sales rep busting out out the glass doors of the dealership to hound you.

Oh yeah, see below and read the news.  Chris Webber is out injured and probably wont contribute towards the Warriors playoff push.  A sore knee?  What a bum.

Oh yeah (Part II), the round-about anniversary of the Philly Failures went over perfectly as the Pens stomped the Flyers 7-1 this Sunday afternoon.  Approximately one year after they Pens swept the Flyers

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When you are traveling with a group of friends and you are split into more than one vehicle and your travel takes you onto a highway for an extended amount of time, how many times do you make hand gestures, smile, wave to the other car of friends as you pass them or they pass you. How many times is acceptable before it gets old and annoying and you don't even acknowledge each other? One? Two?

"Aw fuck. Here comes dumbass Jimmy again." "Play cool -- change the radio station."

Also of Note:  I had the worst sandwich ever on Saturday. EVER. Not because the meat was bad, or the bread had mildew on it, or because the entire sandwich fell out of the back after my first bite. This sandwich was terrible from the very beginning. The construction of sandwich. Noting I was low on bread and feeling in a conservative mood, I opted to make an open faced turkey and cheese sandwich on Saturday. I laid down the turkey on the one piece of wheat bread and added a piece of cheese. I put it in the microwave and for some odd reason chose 60 seconds of cheese melting time. I let the time run down damn near close to 10 seconds before removing the sandwich which now has a bubbling piece of pepper jack cheese exposed. Seeing the sandwich is obviously scorching hot and with no topping piece of bread for protection, I take the sandwich and chomp right down into the scolding hot cheese ruining the top gums of my mouth. Worse than hot pizza roof burn.  Saturday I experienced scolding hot cheese roof burn. Much much worse. Worst. Sandwich. Ever.

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January 17, 2008:  In case you don't know, I house plenty of instruments in my house. I have learned each instrument on my own.  Never took lessons. Just toiled around with each instrument, enjoying the fine art of music making.  I enjoy sitting down when I'm bored and coming up with original beats and try to piece a few together. I don't have the greatest recording equipment, none of that out of the world pro tools that professional recorders and bands use, that shit is expensive and probably would blow my mind with all the fixtures you can use. When I get a beat going, I sit down and put a desktop microphone up to my guitar amp. Pretty ghetto by musicians standards. Oh well, I guess I'm not a musician, it gets me by. But another problem I run into is that I only record 90 second beats or songs. I never string things out to the normal three minutes that allows for plenty of lyrics, a chorus and a bridge. Mine songs are real quick hitters. Wham Bam Here's your song man.

But yet another problem I sometimes run into is my lack of creative lyrics for my songs. Sure I have a few verses scribbled down here and there, but again I can never piece multiple verses together to formulate a song. Musicians find their lyrics in everyday events and throughout their many years as a composer. I have a hard time doing this. A hard time focusing on a single event and writing an entire song about it.  Anyways, linked up is a MP3 beat and a few lyrics I came up with Thursday night in about an hour.  Hope you enjoy my remedy.

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February 1, 2008:  UPDATE: Chris Webber has signed with the Golden State Warriors.  Even better.  Now, not only will I predict that his broken ass body will not get 20+ minutes a contest, but his ever all-star, used to be a stud mojo, will get in the way of the kind of basketball the Warriors were playing perfectly.  Not only will he not be starting, he will not be getting 10 minutes off the bench for Don Nelson.  He doesn't fit into the Warriors running offensive attack.  If anything, he will bog down the offense into a half-quarter, give it to me Webber in the high post and make the rest of the team jump shooters approach -- which the Warriors ARE NOT.  Check back in 90 days.

January 17, 2008:  That is unbelievable that I hear of a Chris Webber comeback (again).  This time possibly with the Lakers who are searching for a big man because their center Andrew Bynum is out eight-weeks with an injury.  Previously Webber had pulled some strings (including being let go by the 76ers) and made brief appearance with his hometown Detroit Pistons that failed to net him any hardware.  This after a 2005 trade to the Philadelphia 76ers from Sacramento (again, forcing his team at the time to make the deal) that only netted him 114 games in that Sixers uni (and he thought he and Allen Iverson could win a title, pshht).  Now he is trying to figure out another scam that will get his broken ass 35-year old body on another contender that values his broken ass services.  Webber is washed up.  He has bum knees and is injury prone (never recorded 82 games in a season, never!)  You couldn't even slide a phone book under his vertical when he was playing for the Pistons last year and he is now a year older!  Webber continues to think he is the greatest thing since sliced bread and has weaseled his way around the last five years hoping to leach onto a contender and gain his coveted "Oh I was a number 1 overall draft pick, a 10-time all-star, career 20-10 player, but never had the team around me to win a championship, so now at an older age I want to be a complementary player on a contender" NBA championship ring.  (see: Karl Malone, Gary Payton, and soon-to-be Kevin Garnett if the Celtics don't win it this year)

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I think washing machines are the shadiest pieces of equipment or machinery in existence.  They never want to let you know what's going on.  It's like the lid is closed and their is noise and commotion -- you think something's up.  But as soon as you open that lid, the washing machines kills off whatever its doing and is like "Woah, ain't nothing going on in here."  And then as soon as you close that lid again the commotion carries on again.  That shady piece of shit won't even let me know what's going on in there.
 

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December 3, 2007:  With the Pitt Panthers unbelievable upset of #2 ranked West Virginia Saturday night, an e-mail from Jared's father Tom, and with my cleaning out of my Microsoft Outlook e-mail inbox at work on Monday, I came across an old, now deleted e-mail that made me smile.  It is a quick e-mail between myself and Rick Larkin in late February 2007, only weeks before our good friend Jared Boone unexpectedly passed away.  It read something like this:

From: Eric Venezie
Sent: Monday, February 26, 2007 12:51PM
To: Rick Larkin
Subject: (none)
Ok, so I have just got two unnecessary calls from Jared already today.  You know, the ones that begin with a Pitt basketball reference but then just lead to dead, awkward silence before you hang up.

Rick's reply:

From: Rick Larkin
Sent: Monday, February 26, 2007 12:55PM
To: Eric Venezie
Subject: RE: (none)
Haha, yeah.  I think its a lot of that pent-up loneliness.  He told me, on top of having "Strep-throat", since Wednesday, he was home alone, and had no food cause his wif.. er, girlfri.. er, mother of his child was out of town, and no one was around to shop of cook for him.  So he probably wants to play and talk to his friends.

I love it.  RIP Jared.  Go Pitt Panthers

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November 16, 2007:  I got the privilege to travel out to Phoenix, Arizona for two days for business.  Its a long trip, and a long amount of time to spend sitting next to strangers in an Boeing 737.  I came across a thought and its coming from more of a casual traveler rather than a business traveler and probably will make more sense to those who have traveled more than others.  I also needed to kill some time on the plane so I whipped open my laptop and Microsoft Word and started rambling on about the NBA.  The guy next to me looks over and asks if I am a writer as I'm relentlessly keying in worthless NBA knowledge, I reply "No, just trying to kill some time."  What seemed like 10 minutes later I had a 2,000 word document consisting of half the NBA teams best players and my personal input.  Anyways, back to my thought:

I do not understand why First Class gets to board the airplane first and are happy to do so. They are just saddled up front. Sure they get situated first and can start making their important business calls on the Bluetooths and PDAs, but they are stuck, sitting there, waiting for the rest of plane to board. They adjust their air circulation vents, read their USA Todays and try to look important in their suits or collared shirts, but what they are really doing is just waiting and trying to look busy as the other 120 casual travelers, most with some kind of irritable condition, dressed in t-shirts and jeans, mosey by them.  These people are bumping into the first class seats with their purse or luggage, smelling, talking, and most importantly looking down on these already seated first class passengers, making snap judgments because these business suited professionals are sitting in comfortable leather seats. The first class passengers have to pretend to look busy so it seems they merit their position in the front of the airplane.

My solution is to board the plane back to front, coach class first, then let the First Class come on last. There is going to be adequate overhead storage for their personal item and they don't have to go through the rigorous boarding where they are passed by everyone staring everything they are doing.

Now, onto my ridiculous NBA Preview of worthless knowledge.  Click here for the preview if you feel like having a headache.

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October 25, 2007:  KOPPEL, PA (TTS) The Eric Ryan Bowling team dropped the second game in its Wednesday night match-up against Red Hot dropping the team out of the playoff hunt. Eric Ryan missed gaining a playoff birth in the first 8-week period by one game. The heart wrenching loss was only culminated by the unaccounted for awkward high-fives dealt out by new, number two bowler, Christopher Clark. Later, an awkward What's G'up moment sent bowler Eric Venezie into a tailspin of emotional outrage. After seeing their playoff hopes dashed, Team ERC came out with vengeance in game three and shattered its season high for individual scores. Led by leadoff bowler Venezie who parlayed two separate turkeys into a 185 game and Anthony Venezie stringing together 8 consecutive strikes en route to a 255 game, ERC dominated Red Hot in taking 3 of 4 in the series and pushing its overall record to 21-11.

When it comes to bowling, I'm a f*cking assassin.  A sharpshooter if you will.  I'll throw that rock down the lane hard as hell, murder seven pins, and leave the three innocent pins unscathed.  "Yeah, that's right, f*ck those seven pins.  Those other three pins, you're cool."

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I want to open up a "picnic to go" restaurant and place it by a nice grassy courtyard or park. Customers would come in and order a particular type of sandwich and fresh side dish along with a beverage, perhaps even wine for those looking for romance. Upon completion of the order, a whicker basket with a checkered  tablecloth will be presented with all the pieces to assemble their desired sandwich: a loaf of bread, deli meat, cheeses, and toppings. Along with the meal, a surprise picnic toy will be include, such as a Frisbee, kite, or even a small puppy (puppy would probably would have to be returned).  JAM! A picnic in a basket... to go! Of course, this would probably only work in a community like San Francisco where the purchasers can scale a small grassy knoll and assemble their picnic like the opening credits to Full House

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October 3, 2007:

Here is how computer illiterate my uncle Rodney is. I just get back into town and drop my cousin and Rodney's son, Ricco, off at their house. Ricco's mother, and my aunt, Lori walks out onto the porch to greet us. I roll down my window as Ricco gets out and mention that I got some good pictures and that we had a good time at the Pirate Field Day at PNC Park.

"I'll rip those pictures off my camera and e-mail them to Rod," I say.
Lori's responds, "Are those the paperclip things in the e-mail? No. Rodney doesn't know know how to open them."
"Ok, Ill have to print them out and drop them off again," I yammer the entire time thinking: How do you NOT
know how to handle email attachments?

It's simple. You double-click the mother fucker and it opens.

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So I spent 4 days in New York and not one apple attacked me. In fact, I didn't even seen one that looked that intimidating.

Get it: The Big Apple? eh? eh? ..... *sigh*

I just found this interesting fact out the other day. Apples are a good source of apple cores.

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September 30, 2007:
Will she call? should I even care?
Oh, my thoughts are running all through the er er air
You think you knew me. Nice to see you ever
come around and I will sing one more time

Ohhhh this baseline consumes. The drum line will move me,
and these lyrics will tell me...

Should I care? Love aff er er air
She's gone so far away ay ay
Will I stay? Oh what a day...

Oh my love has gone... so far away....

Ohhhh, the night is lost.
You'll never ever see my face
And your stars, they lost

Ohhhh, the night is gone
One more time I will sing your song

listen to 'The Line'

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The sun is the ultimate card dealer. When you and a group of friends are outside, everyone sits in a semi-circle facing the sun.  He deals a mean hand of sunshine.

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July 20, 2007:
Ok, nothing against summer or anything, but when your the sole sports team you can follow through the days of summer is the Pittsburgh Pirates, you are in trouble.  Here is an update:  They are not good.  But I'm a devoted Pirate fan.  I'll admit that.  I have been pulling for them win for quite sometime now.  Optimism always starts in spring training, but by the dog days of summer the Pirates are games under .500 and double digit games out of first place.  The 2007 season is not different -- 40-54 record and 13 GB of first place.  The season has begun to turn for Pirate fans from looking at games behind first place to games behind last place Cincinnati (which is now 0.5 for those scoring at home).  And guess what?  I have tickets to Friday nights game against the Houston Astros.  With a loss and a Cincinnati win the Pirates find themselves in a all to familiar place.  Again.

Welcome Home Pirates.  Last Place.

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The other day I was out with my buddy and he threw on a pair of shades. I said "Nice shades man, where did you get those at?"  He responded, "Oh dude, I scored these for like a buck fifty at the dollar store." I said, "Dude, you got ripped off."

An old man at the bar the other night: "I would be a great politician, only if I weren't a convicted felon and had some teeth."

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I don't like to read. Books and magazines are just too boring for me. But when I do, I usually am a very slow reader. Take my time -- Left to right top to bottom.  I really hate reading books, they indent paragraphs. To me that is starting every new paragraph with suspense.  Holy Shit! Where are the letters?  It's blank! What's gonna happen next?  Oh, cool. There they are.

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June 7, 2007:

[Note: Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me... ]

[Additional Note:  Freddy Sanchez finally smacked his first homerun of the season for the Pittsburgh Pirates.  See May 15th comments below]

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May 15, 2007:

Well it has been quite a few days since I have updated any news or thoughts on the .com and since yesterday was Mother's Day and I spent three hours at PNC Park with my mother and grandmother, I figured I would throw out some random Pittsburgh Pirate thoughts:

Well, Freddy Sanchez broke out for three RBIs yesterday, but still for the season only has seven RBIs, zero homeruns and only 5 extra base hits for the season. AND HE BATS THIRD IN THE PIRATES LINE-UP. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2007 Pittsburgh Pirates!!!  He has hit safely in nine of the last ten games, but those efforts are mainly 1-4 and 1-5 performances as his season average still hovers around the .250 mark. He just sprays the ball around and has no power to put fear in defenses.   On an inside pitch yesterday against the Atlanta Braves, he was so content on going to right field with the pitch, he practically jumped back out of the box and fisted the pitch to the right side -- double play ball. Freddy needs to be dropped in the lineup.

On an even sadder note: Former Pirate Oliver Perez was staked to an early 4-0 lead over the Milwaukee Brewers, ends up going 8.2 innings, limiting the Brewers to one hit through eight innings before giving up a meaningless solo homer in the ninth inning on a 9-1 game.  Perez strikes out six and walks only two in winning his fourth game (4-3) of the season and lowering his ERA to 3.00. Opponents are now only hitting .204 against Perez. Not what Pirates fans want to see, a young player (Perez is still only 26) with potential traded away and making his break with another team.

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April 1, 2007:

My Tommy TwoStep mall experience has sadly ended. I have been blessed with a great opportunity to promote my image, my product and my idea. I will take everything I learned in the month at the mall and use to move forward with my product. I also got to meet some cool people who worked at the other mall carts and at other stores around the mall. Most notably:

Moses, 29 years old, and originally from Israel. He moved to New York City to seek the “American Dream”. He bounced around to Chicago, Atlanta, among other cities work various odd jobs and somehow has ended up in Monaca, Pennsylvania and the Beaver Valley Mall. [Note: *scratching head*] He sells cell phone accessories at the cart beside mine.

Dave, or 'Brooklyn Dave' as I called him is 24 years old and was another employee at the cell phone accessory cart beside mine. He was born and raised in Brooklyn, New York, and, along with Moses, somehow ended up in Monaca, Pennsylvania.  Dave is real Brooklyn, hence the nickname, the lack in height, the New York accent, the New York arrogance, he had it all. Brooklyn style.

Some of my memorable experiences at the mall:

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March 26, 2007:

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March 15, 2007:

March Madness is here.  Bets anyone?

• The #2 ranked Georgetown Hoyas are favored by 16 ½ over #15 Belmont in an opening round tournament game.  The Hoyas are the hottest team in college basketball right now and are coming off a well-played championship run in the powerful Big East, which rightfully exposed sensational forward Jeff Green.  On the other hand, the Belmont Bruins, although earning its second consecutive Atlantic Sun Conference Championship and automatic bid, was only was granted a #15 seed for the second straight tournament.  Last year’s performance?  A 78-44 blowout loss to #2 UCLA, last year's powerful Pacific-10 Champion.
   

• The #3 ranked Oregon Ducks are favored by 9 points over #14 Miami, Ohio in an opening round tournament game.  The game is being played in Spokane, Washington, practically a home game for the Ducks while Miami will have to travel cross country to play in its first NCAA tournament game in quite a few years, for which they are a part of thanks to a last second buzzer beater prayer that was answered, and banked in, to win the MAC Championship game.  Miami is excited enough just to be part of the Big Dance as they were not even predicted to win their conference championship, but stand no chance against Pac-10 Conference champion, Oregon, who is an offensive juggernaut and coming straight off a monstrous blowout in its championship game.  A double-digit win for a #3 seed in the opening round, I will take that.
   

• The #2 ranked Wisconsin Badgers are favored by 13 ½ points over #15 Texas A&M Christi in an opening round tournament game.  This game is being played in Chicago, Illinois, again, almost like a home game for the higher-seeded and favored Badgers.  Although Wisconsin is not playing particularly well and are missing one of their better interior players in Brian Butch, they are playing a Texas Christi team that is playing in its first tournament game EVER, and far, far away from the state of Texas.  Alando Tucker and the Badgers need a tune-up game before advancing in the tourney and will take overwhelmed the Islanders.

UPDATE: Friday NCAA tournament diary.

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I don't know whether or not I'm a magician. Every time I wave my hands under an automatic water dispensing faucet, I expect something to happen.  But shit only happens sometimes.  I think, "Damn, I have already waved my hands" thus convincing my audience, the fellow men of the airport bathroom, that shit's going to happen, but my magic doesn't always work. They leave disappointed.

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You know when your walking and your one foot drags and you trip on the floor carpeting?  You become embarrassed and immediately look around to see if anyone saw you, but then you look down and examine the floor.  Like it's the floor's fucking fault you tripped.  That is bullshit man.

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March 1, 2007:

Below is a small excerpt from my personal blog I kept of my first day at the Tommy TwoStep kiosk at the Beaver Valley Mall:

1:29pm – It’s cold.  Being stationed this close to the huge fountain in the middle of the mall is like living in Cleveland, Ohio.

Speaking of Cleveland.  I can’t imagine too many people from Cleveland brag that their city is by the lake.  It’s Lake Erie, for Christ’s sake.  Yeah, Clevelanders, go ahead and brag about the lake that is named after a city that isn’t even in your state! Oh yeah, the Browns aren't good a football.

2:08pm – All these gangsters stomping around in their Tims.  Stomp. Stomp. Stomp.  That’s all it is during the day, gangsters and old people walking around.  They have nothing better to do.  Ain’t got no job and ain’t got nowhere to be.

2:18pm – A welcomed visit from my two good friends, Bryan and Brad.  They stopped by and talk for a few minutes about the kiosk, my shirts, and selling strategy. 

Brad: “Start barking comments out.” 
Bryan: “Just stare at the girl until she looks at you.” 

[Note: I would make a mental note of these suggestions, but these ideas would just end up in the part of my brain that houses irrelevant shit and will be eventually whipped out after the next night of drinking and/or inevitably alcoholism.]

Read the entire blog here.

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February 12, 2007:
Justin Timberlake plays musical instruments? I actually watched the 49th Annual Grammy's Award Show Sunday night? Both came as a shock to me as I sat and watch the Grammy's Sunday night on CBS. I had not intended to watch the greatest music award show, let alone even know it was even broadcasting, but while channel surfing I came across Timberlake's performance of 'What Goes Around' on the piano. Simply amazing. Although I assume it only helped the song's harmony having twelve other instruments being played along with Timberlake on the keys. [Note: There was also a dude on the keys in the back. He had like five keyboards, it was amazing to watch him play when the camera panned out for a wider shot.] If you want my opinion, Timberlake played awesome and carried himself very well on the piano.  His stage presence was sick.  I was amazed to see his music talent come out other ways besides singing and song writing.

He followed that up with a closing performance with the 'My Grammy Moment' selected chick, Robyn Troup, and he again boggled my mind. The closing performance featured JT [Note: Yeah I called him JT.] on yet another music instrument, this time an acoustic guitar. Once again, his presence and control of the guitar were amazing. The harmonizing 12-some-of-a-band in the background could only help his music, and overall both songs sounded great.

I never really appreciated Timberlake before his Grammy performance, to tell you the truth, I never really like his popular music, but seeing Timberlake move to other musical platforms and perform with other musical instruments really made me appreciate his love for music and his creativity. I actually spent time looking for some guitar and piano tabs for the two songs he performed, unfortunately finding nothing that could fall into my musical talent level [Note: talent level very low], I gave up in and proceeded to spend the rest of the night on my recliner watching the boob tube.

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NHL Hockey players are fucking nuts, man. Say if you are hanging out in a building complex with a group of people, one of which happens to be a hockey player, and there is a sudden fire. That mother fucker is the first person jumping through a glass window to safety.

You: "Holy shit, this place is on fire."
Hockey player: "Fuck you guys. I'm outta here."

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February 1, 2007:
I finally got around to editing and posting some personal comic strips I drew up a couple years ago.  They aren't the best quality drawings, but I guess that's what I get for drawing during a lecture in one of my collegiate classes at Slippery Rock University. 

Below are my original jokes and you can click on the link to check out the sketchy comic strip version of each joke.  Hope you enjoy.

~I'd much rather take a nap on a rainy day than a sunny day, because if you wake up from a nap on a sunny day, you're like: "What the fuck.  I could of been productive!"  But, if you wake up on a rainy day, it's like: "It's cool, I ain't got anything better to do." and you go back to sleep.~     comic strip

~It has to suck to be a dog, man.  Say if you drop something.  He can't go over, pick it up, and say "Here, you dropped this.  The best a dog can do is go over and sniff at it with its nose.~     comic strip

~I think Listerine is the only liquid you are permitted to put in your mouth, but NOT allowed to swallow.  "Here, try some Listerine."  But don't even think about swallowing that shit!"~      comic strip

~I would think if you had a big family you would eventually get sick of cake.  Too many f'n birthdays.  It's like: "God damn it Timmy.  Why'd you have to turn eleven."~     comic strip

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Mitch Hedberg was one of my favorite comedians.  I was lucky enough to have seen his stand-up routine live at Slippery Rock University a few years ago.  Mitch unfortunately died a couple months later at the tender age of 37.  I want to open up a restaurant in his honor. I would name it "Mitch's Place to Eat Stuff".  If any of you are familiar with Mitch and his jokes, my restaurant menu would have: unequally sliced pieces of pizza, carrots and onion rings, subway subs with just lettuce, spaghetti and blankets, club sandwiches with alf alfa sprouts, sesame seeds, AND SUN CHIPS.

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People think that at concerts it is dangerous to jump off stage and crowd surf. I don't believe them. Humans are 95% water, so the way I look at it is that you are 5% away from jumping into a pool.
~Mitch Hedberg

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December 31, 2006:
Casino Niagara for the New Year. I find the sports betting portion of the casino and look to wager on a couple 1:00pm Week 17 NFL games. I find the betting area and find sheets you have to fill out instead of telling the teller the exact game and wager. I am confused by these betting sheets [canadia, eh?] but finally figure out the three bets I told myself I wanted to make twenty dollar wagers on. I fill in the bubble sheet and proceed to turn the sheet into the lady working the counter. 

My bets: Carolina -3 over Saints. [Note: The Saints already clinched their number 2 playoff spot and first round bye.] The Saints aren't going to be playing any starters for a long amount of time so I take that spread. Next, Detroit getting 13 points at Dallas. 13 points? C'mon. [Note: Dallas just got embarrassed by the Eagles and are probably devastated with all the turmoil that is going on within their organization.] Plus Detroit needs to put a good showing on for their fan base so they have something to look forward to next year.  An annual occurance for Detroit fans.  Third game, Kansas City -3 over Jacksonville at home. [Note: The Jags are broke and K.C. at home is always a good bet this time of year.]

I submit my bet sheet and get ready to fork over 60 bones for the three bets. But the lady only tells me to pay 20. I am confused and give her 20 bucks thinking this was just for the first wager. She gives me my receipt. I look at the receipt. Three team teaser for 20 to win 120. FUCK. I'm all pissed off and start complaining to my brother that I didn't know what in the hell I was just doing. Oh well, three hours later it turns out all three teams covered and I won the three team bet.  I cashed out 120 smackeroos and was looking like an all-star.

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I really hope Tiger Woods and Venus Williams hook up and have children.  That would be great.  They would have some stud children.  Venus would be poppin' out draft picks for all I know..
~my buddy Bryan

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Here's a tip.  I just found this out today.  Please take note.  Do not try to brush your teeth while your standing up and attempting to urinate at the same time.  This has bad news written all over it.  Both for your clothes and the bathroom floor...

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I don't care how hard you think you are. Tough guy or not, there is no way you can pull that shit off while attempting to put on Chap stick.  Give me the biggest, muscular guy around.  He could be kicking peoples asses for all I know, but give him some Chap stick and he is back to normal.

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When I woke up this morning and got dressed, I must of been infatuated with something else because I forgot to put a belt on. my pants still fit, there not falling down or anything, but now I have a false sense of security because when I stand up and re-adjust my slacks. I have no belt to grab onto. there is nothing there. I feel so alone without you belt.

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If someone asks you "A penny for your thoughts?"... and you put your two cents in....what happens to the other penny?  Does it go to the guy who says "If I had a nickel every time I heard that?" Then he would have six cents.  Perhaps a sixth sense.... haha.  That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.

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Why is only one of our 50 states suitable as a first name for a female.  Virginia.  That is the only one. You want to know why?  Because naming your daughter Idaho ain't getting her very far in life.

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Have you ever have one of these awkward endings to a conversation?

dad - "how did you bowl?"
me - "pretty good"
dad - "yeah?"
me - "...yeah"

What in the hell is that all about. Why the extra 'yeah' conversational piece at the end? Did I just have to reassure him that I did in fact bowl pretty good? Maybe a sarcasm checker?  There is no need for the extra 'yeah's'.  I answered the god damn question dad, now leave me alone.

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Eating popcorn is weird and a very daring practice. When you eat popcorn you know the whole time you are trying to avoid the inevitable.  That one handful of popcorn where you get a fucking kernel stuck between your teeth. That sucks.  After that, the enjoyment of the popcorn is over.  You are so hungry for so much popcorn but you have to be careful in consuming it.

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