Tommy TwoStep - Random Thoughts

Got to enjoy some real life New York City stand-up comedy Sunday night. My mother made some reservations at a near-by comedy joint and when my dad, brother and I got back, burned out from the 4-hour Yankee matinee we got the news. Good news: Comedy gig. Get drunk and have a laugh. Bad news: Front row seats. Might as well slap a bull’s eye on me right then. Better get all tuned-up before this little adventure. Luckily for everyone else at the show, my dad and I took the brunt of the opening jokes, and not to the comedian’s liking.

Of course you know the routine. The comedian comes out and scans the crowd, asks how everyone is doing, and interacts with a couple audience members to “feel out the crowd.” Of course sitting in the front row opened us all up to the elements:

Comedian: “Aw, look at this older couple in the front row. Where are you two from?
Parents: “Pittsburgh.”
Comedian: “Are you two married?”
Dad: “Nope.”
Comedian: “Engaged?”
Dad: “Nope.”
Comedian: “Dating?”
Dad: “Nope. Brother and sister.”
Comedian: “O.K…. Moving on.”

Stunned and moving on he scans quickly to his left and locks in on Suzanne and myself:

Comedian: “Sir, is this your girl? How long have you been dating?”
Me: “Uh, two weeks.”
Comedian: “Where you two from?”
Me: “Pittsburgh.”
Comedian: “Do you know this other couple?” pointing towards my parents
Me: “Met them on the plane.”
Comedian: “O.K. I can see this is going far.” and continues to scan the crowd

I don’t think he liked my dad and me. Our short, one-word answers didn’t open up and punch lines for the comedian to unload on us. Not that I’m not a fan of comedy, I just don’t like being on the butt-end of a joke and my dad, well, he just doesn't enjoy comedy period. I guess it's a Venezie thing. Anyways, the comedian moves on and roasts another table. Luckily at that table was a foreign couple that spoke broken English and gave us all a laugh with a few ridiculously embarrassing moments.

Best one-liner from one of the comedians later in the show to the foreign gentleman and the foreigners answer a question with his broke-ass accent:

“Damn man. You need a vocabulary crossing guard in ‘yo mouth. Verbs go this way. Nouns go another. God damn you fuckers. Did anyone understand what the fuck he just said?”